Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

I’ve found it’s all too easy to lose sight of God in life’s many twists and turns. I remember going shopping with mum as a child. I’d get distracted by everything around me and lose sight of her. Then my heart beat faster, lost and alone amidst a sea of legs and arms.

Whilst I’ve no doubt God is working in my life, I experience real moments of self-doubt over my spiritual growth. As the years have rolled on, my confidence has wavered. It’s more difficult believing that my life shows practical signs of changing from one degree of glory to another. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

It may be that I’m disappointed and bewildered that after over forty years of following Jesus, I remain acutely aware of my human fracture. There are issues I have yet to master, issues I’ve consistently battled each one of those forty years.

My self-confidence has taken a hit, but that’s no bad thing for my confidence in God continues to grow. The benefit is twofold; a fuller appreciation of God’s forgiveness of my sin and His acceptance of me just as I am, and a far humbler attitude knowing I cannot change myself.

Consequently, I’m far more measured in my criticism of others. I think before I speak or act. It is one reason I have chosen the path of a contemplative committed to investing time and prayer in ordering my own life rather than seeking to fix the lives of others.

It’s been a difficult lesson learning that, whilst I can do nothing, God’s Spirit can do immeasurably more than I can begin to imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21) Making peace with my darker nature has meant owning and acknowledging it and accepting that all I can do is live with it within the grace God extends.

Something to Consider: Don’t be discouraged if certain behaviours seem unbreakable.

An Action to Take: Acknowledge to God and yourself those fractures in your humanity that disappoint you and perhaps haunt you. Take time also to acknowledge that God loves you despite how you see yourself.

A Prayer to Make: ‘Lord, please continue to bring to completion the good work seeded into my life and help me manage my misgivings and self-doubt well.’

Photo by Kiril Dobrev on Unsplash

Used with Permission

Micha Jazz is Director of Resources at Waverley Abbey, UK.